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Growth, Money and Acting

Am I growing? If I am, what is the parameter of my growth? Is it the right parameter to measure my growth? These are the questions that bugs me often these days. I try to ignore these questions. But they keep stirring in my mind as small storms which don't cause much disruption but gives a feeling of restlessness. I had a meeting  with HR department a couple of days back. The objective was to listen to employees' concerns on various matters. In a room full of twenty employees the majority of questions were about finances, promotions and hikes. All relevant questions but it left me a bit dumbfounded. Is this all to it, are we living the life with a sole aim of planning the finances? Is this the only way we measure ourselves, with the money we take home at the end of each month? So as long as my paycheck increases every year I am growing? I hope it is not the parameter of my personal success. I hope I can find and experience something beyond the bills in my hand.

So what is a better parameter for my success? The answer of course lies in what drives me. To find the parameter I have to delve deep inside my own consciousness and touch upon areas I have feared to explore or felt too ashamed to explore. Actors know how difficult it is to delve into these areas, a process they compare to cutting the insides of oneself. The desire that drives me or is dearest to me is perhaps curiosity. It is the primitive of all the desires and feelings. It is as old as the human existence. It is the desire that led to great inventions and accomplishments. However curiosity cannot work alone. It needs the support of determination, courage, control, love, faith and many others. They all seem to point to intellectual. So is intellectual growth the parameter for success. I certainly hope so. What good am I if I cannot ask questions that stimulate me, frustrate me and make me feel like a fool! It is the parameter which would always keep me humble as there is so much more to know.

So I do hope the intellectual improves continuously. I'll end with what Al Pacino said in one of his interviews, "Ask questions......don't answer them yet. Wait for the answers". And the answers do come to you!

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