Reaching There

Happythankyoumoreplease Living in the moment is considered a big deal; after all  it makes us happier . It has always intrigued me how it looks like to be in the moment. The sudden change from being outside to being in the moment . Acting coaches always stress on being in the moment . An actor can create the most wonderful of emotions onstage with a burst of self-awareness.  It is the time when nothing can go wrong; imagine Sachin hooking McGrath to a six across the stadium longest boundary. All the forces seem to mysteriously come together and create an invisible cloak of confidence & flair. I remember a couple of days back I muttered a highly excited yet muted "Yes" when I succeeded in something at work. It was great! It happens to all of us and at least a few times a week. It doesn't have to be public; it can be very private moment too. Nonetheless, I must add that to achieve this feat onstage is remarkable. Emotional nakedness is more daunting - say...

All the world's a stage. The Bard of Avon wrote these words in his play "As You Like It". On 15th April while I was on stage it felt like stage was the only world! The next seventy minutes were a stream of surreal moments. I felt like a kid, unscathed by the worldly ways. I did my fair share of mistakes but somehow things worked out at the end. How I ended up doing a play? I was part of a two months workshop conducted by Samahaara in Hyderabad. I almost missed it if not for a useless habit of browsing through my old emails! Perhaps the stars conspired for me and I ended up as part of this workshop. It was one of the best decisions I have made in my life so far. Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world! When German playwright Johann Wolfgang said these words he was referring to putting thoughts into action in our lives. Whew! I found out during the two months of training that ...

I was doing an improvisation scene with another actor. The objective of the "improv" was simple; to do a small talk with another actor with a motive to get money out of his pocket. At first it sounded like an easy thing to do; go out there and fleece this guy.  So I went in on the stage with "the goal" dwarfing everything else in my mind. A few minutes into the scene I was struggling for words. And why? I was too focused on my motive. The motive was handicapping my thought process. During the postmortem of the scene my teacher gave me the reason for my failure. I wasn't listening. I was too busy keeping the motive alive in my mind that I missed listening to my co-actor. Eventually I didn't have anything to react to! Robert Downey Jr said he hates motive, during an interview on "Inside an Actor's Studio" (a TV show I am a big fan of). I was definitely too engrossed in my motive to even think about anything else. Maybe it is good...

Sucking Big Time (second from right) S hucks, I sucked in this scene! This is the first thought that rushed through my mind when I had just finished an improvisation, playing an old man talking to his friend. I somehow had a great gut feeling that I sucked big time. I can't do this thing they call "acting".  My teacher read my face. He looked at me and said, “If you fail trying, your efforts are appreciated at the least. If you fail because of negligence you are mocked." So the ball was back in my court, and the big lingering question was, “HOW DID I FAIL?" I failed because I tried something which was different than my usual self. I wasn't negligent. Due to my inexperience I couldn't strike the right chords. I tried and I failed. I am happy I tried. So I can't be a good actor if I fail? Nope, acting is the chance to fail. In failures lies the magic recipe of success. The more I hit the wall the more I'll learn about the char...

Hoo...Haa...Hee! These were the sounds that were coming out of my mouth with my arms and legs outstretched. Oh, please don't worry; I wasn't undergoing any medical examination. Rather, these were the sounds I made when I was asked to do a few movements and sound exercises in my first class during a theater workshop organized by The Actor's Studio,Hyderabad . The next exercise was to make these sounds while throwing an invisible object to the person next to you. The next got a bit more interesting; a participant had to start a sentence with an English alphabet and the next person had to create the next sentence starting with the next letter in chain, however keeping a relation to the previous sentence. Then it was just whole lot of walking, sometimes in slow motion and running the other times. I didn't get the meaning of these exercises immediately. Even right now I am not sure. However the core message that seems to be coming from these exercises is “Let go ...

E veryone has gone through times in life when something got stuck in the head like a pin. It just refuses to go away. Arrrrghhh! I can't handle it anymore! I am losing it! #$%& it! Remember these times? I clearly do. This happens to me a lot more times than I expect it should. Well, we're only human, you know. These are the times when you go out for help. Some find help in lonely bars with a lots of glasses of numbness. Of course a huge headache and guilt awaits them the next morning. Some are a bit saner they find another person to help them take through these troubled times. I would any day prefer the later. But sometimes life is cruel and help isn't handy. These are the times when it seems to 'go out' for help, isn't possible. But, is it so? I beg to differ now, especially after hearing what Tom Cruise (yes, the actor) said in an interview which I watched recently. I didn't expect to learn this from a Hollywood actor, but I did! T...

If you have ever spent hours to prepare a dish you'll immediately know what I am going to talk about next. It's been a while since I cooked but I do remember spending hours trying to perfect a dish and eventually just adding a bit more of 'that' to get 'that' taste (feel free to fill in for the that'). The 'that' that comes to the rescue could be a bit more salt or it could be one of those exquisite Indian spices. Regardless the search for personal perfection is a continuous and tough job. A lot of times people have ended up with bitterness that follows a failure. Some claimed to have found perfection others have just faked it. In any case those who have continued to earnestly pursue the path have lived fulfilling and wonderful lives. For starters, this article is not about food. Someone in a more philosophical mood than I am currently in, compared life to wandering around in darkness. A rather gloomy thought to consider lost under the dar...

The Lovely Bones The Lovely Bones This is a movie which you can sit back and enjoy the superfluous imagery it builds in front of your eyes. You will completely miss the underlying theme of conflict, pain and love. Or if you manage to take a closer look at the eyes of the actors you'll notice the sorrow and beauty of the story. It took me a second look to go beyond the visual grandeur and let my mind absorb the message the movie is trying to shout out. The message that has managed to seep through the corners of my mind is of hope and love. It sounds simple but as we know wisdom is supposed to be uncomplicated yet as elusive as the shooting star. There is a silent victory hidden in a loss. Hidden beneath the layers of disappointment and sorrow lies a small victory. In the movie Susie Salmon (played by young Irish actress Saoirse Ronan) traverses through the maze of the world "in-between" she comes across emotions ranging from disappointment to vengeance to pain and f...

The strange thing about being open or receptive is that both happiness and sadness can come in through the open door. But it is up to us to decide which lives in our house. Of course the house I am talking about is our mind. The openness is a characteristic you can't live without as well as can't live with it! (my U2 line :D) Openness comes with a disclaimer: use at your own risk! When I agree to being open I sign a contract with unlimited possibilities. The contract clearly states that the result may or may not align with my expectations. But the contract does guarantee an experience that would justify the suffering or joy. So eventually I might just end up with an experience. No more no less! But that's the cost of the openness. But can I define openness? To me it is the condition when mind is ready for possibilities. It is not restricted by its' own biases and inabilities. Openness puts me in a vulnerable state where I am like a traveler on the way to nowhere. I ...

The  ego  gropes in darkness, while the Self lives in  light   Sometime back I wrote a post about my writer's block . I just couldn't create a new piece of writing. Although there were thousands of thoughts jumping inside my mind but I was unable to latch onto one. This inability leads to frustration which made the process even more difficult. Anybody would tell this period of inactivity is unavoidable. And my mind has been under the influence of this atrocity for over a month now. The coupling of helplessness and uncertainty leads to stagnation of not only intellectual growth but the emotions took a beating as well. In a writer's life these periods are as common & unpredictable as the seasons in a year! The last post was about the symptoms and after effects of this disease. In this post I would walk through the cure for this. I must admit the inspiration behind this post came from my father. On reading my previous post he said something that st...

I know, it's a very catchy title for my post. Julia Roberts and Elizabeth Gilbert are probably two of the most famous names from the field of arts. These two artists have risen to pinnacle of probably the two most toughest forms of human creativity; acting and writing.  These two forms of art require large amounts of inspiration as well as perspiration from the person trying to pursue it. And interestingly the unemployment rate is highest in these fields. However there is a certain attraction that draws thousands of people to delve into their lives and bring out something new through acting and/or writing. (A trivia; Julia Roberts is starring in the lead role for a movie based on Elizabeth Gilbert's memoir called " Eat, Pray, Love "). Although there are lot of things to learn from these artists but they do form an epitome of a characteristic that has shaped their magnificent careers. Julia Roberts If you think of Julia Roberts you would probably think about the...

There are some movies you enjoy and a few you admire. Peepli Live definitely falls into the latter category. The admiration comes partly from the entertainment portion and partly from the things you can draw out from the movie. The movie, in general, is perhaps the most expressive form of art that directly affect the human consciousness. The images, whether moving or stationary, play a very important role for the human society as well. This form of art carries with it two contradictory forms; openness and mysteriousness at the same time. The qualities were aptly described in another good movie, The Brothers Bloom. In it one of the characters describes photograph as a secret of a secret; the more it tells you the less you know. Good movies, or photographs or books take you to a certain place and leave you there to make your judgement whether about a character or a situation. They are not trying to tunnel your thought process but just providing with certain additives which would help you...

Source of Inspirations for this blog post. -Peter Bregman's article on Harvard Business Review -Dead Poet's Society -Mark Ruffalo If we look back at our life so far we would always pull up a list of things we should have done. This list of should haves' and could haves' has always bothered us. But do we have to carry this burden continuously? The answer is of course, yes! This is burden is ours' and ours' alone. Whew! That's a lot!    This brings me to my next inspiration. It is a movie called Dead Poet's Society. In it Mr. Keatings (played by Robin Williams) talks about getting a chance to write a verse of our own in the book of universe. As Pushkar Bajpai I am being given a chance to write something new every day. Although some of it may have already been written by others or others' words have inspired me. But every word I write down I am aspiring myself to elevate to the next level. This aspiration inspires me and fills within me an ener...

Another of my post inspired from an episode of Inside an Actor's Studio featuring an interview with two time Academy Award winning actress Hilary Swank. This is an interview series which gives me a chance to look into an actor's mind and try to understand the philosophy that has brought him or her to this point of realization in their life. Hilary Swank talks about forgiving herself as an actor when she is not in the moment i.e. is when as an actor she cannot feel the character she is portraying. This feeling of being connected or rather being in in the character is of utmost importance to get the true performance. But sometimes actors concentrate on the "disconnection" too much that the connection just goes whirlwind. She asks us to be forgiving in those moments. Asking yourself, that now I am not in it so how do I get back into the moment again? The ability to forgive ourselves and focusing on getting back on track again. This is a situation we always face in ou...

To err is human. This apparently implies the inherent nature of my species is flawed. The innumerable defects in me far overtake any virtues I may have been blessed with. As an engineer I know any mechanical design isn't perfect. The designer made some assumptions about the nature of work and designed within certain limits. Apparently that's how I work too! I have certain limitations within which I perform well enough to be classified as a normal human being. While in case of machines there are predefined tests which can expose any weaknesses in the design. But as a human being there are no set of "tests" which can help me find the flaws in me. So in a normal world I may live out my whole lifetime without getting a chance to know myself. In a world where technology and science have made our lives comfortable, I may never get a chance to explore myself. Although certain times in my life I have faced extraordinary events that force me to find who I am. But these events ...

Be yourself, be natural, don't be somebody else. We all have heard these words sometimes in our lives or at least have reached this realization based on some experiences. Like you I too have thought about this sometimes in my life and work. The meaning of being yourself or being true to oneself sound a bit abstract concepts. Can it be explained in easier terms? Recently watching Jodie Foster's interview on Inside Actors Studio, she said something that stuck with me. Jodie Foster on being asked a question about what should a new actor should show the producer to get his or her foot in the door. It sounded like a sensible question to ask. I am curious about what others' are interested in seeing in me that would make them like me or hire me or marry me! In others word I am generalizing myself for others' convenience. I am aligning myself to what society or media has deemed to be usual and suitable to be liked or hired or married. Before wandering too far giving my own ...

Am I growing? If I am, what is the parameter of my growth? Is it the right parameter to measure my growth? These are the questions that bugs me often these days. I try to ignore these questions. But they keep stirring in my mind as small storms which don't cause much disruption but gives a feeling of restlessness. I had a meeting  with HR department a couple of days back. The objective was to listen to employees' concerns on various matters. In a room full of twenty employees the majority of questions were about finances, promotions and hikes. All relevant questions but it left me a bit dumbfounded. Is this all to it, are we living the life with a sole aim of planning the finances? Is this the only way we measure ourselves, with the money we take home at the end of each month? So as long as my paycheck increases every year I am growing? I hope it is not the parameter of my personal success. I hope I can find and experience something beyond the bills in my hand. So what is a b...

In industrial engineering it is a very common to observe a system to learn about it and suggest ways to improve it.  As an industrial engineer I have spent numerous hours collecting data on machining assembly lines and operator moments on a shop floor. The collection and analysis of data is the heart of any process improvement process. It helps to study the current behavior of a system (a system could be an assembly line, flow of shoppers in a departmental store or your internet searching habits). After all the data has been collected analysts/engineer try and make sense of it. This leads to a baseline formation on which you can base your improvement process. After a certain prescribed time you measure the change due to the improvement and evaluate the progress. It is a long and painstakingly slow process. A major such study is called Time & Motion Study. It is very similar to our lives. Our lifetime is a series of time and motion. A time is our natural progression from being...

राधे राधे  “Acting is not being emotional, but being able to express emotion.” Kate Reid. An interesting quote to say the least. Expression is defined as "communication of your beliefs or opinion through various sensory mediums". It is the single most important tool for us, the social animals. It is the way to define who we are, not only to others but to ourselves too. Most of the time our opinion about us is based on the external inputs we get from our parents, peers, friends etc. But we have always lacked the courage to sit down and define ourselves. For in defining ourselves we come across flaws we have so far ignored for our own mental benefit. But like a beautiful building the weakness lies not in the facade we see but in the dark corner of the basement where a beam is slowing rusting. It is the dark corners in ourselves we have always ignored but continuously worked on improving the facade.  Laura Linney in describing a good actor's brains says the ques...

Actors talk about their performances as the best when they were in the moment. Meryl Streep in one of her interviews says she likes to research a lot about the role and when going to act she tries to forget all about it. In this way she is letting her instincts guide her through the process. These instincts were developed partly from the research she did and partly from her own previous experiences. Similarly for us learning about ourselves plays an important role in living our life. Unconsciously we gather a lot of information about us during our daily life. We learn about our tastes, likes, dislikes, allergies, passions, weaknesses etc. But when somebody questions us to list our strengths and weaknesses we draw a blank! Why is that? We believed we knew what we are. But we struggle to describe ourself, our passions, our goals etc. Jagadguru Kripaluji Maharaj in His discourses talks about the real "me". In ancient Hindu scriptures the real "me" is the soul while bo...