The Strange Case of Time Machine with an Internet Service Provider

Time Machine - Still a Fantasy?

This is a rant. It is dedicated to all the insanity existing in this beautiful world. If you don't like rants, this is not for you. The plot is based on a true experience while the dialogues have been reproduced to the best of my memory.

I have been feeling a bit emaciated during the last few weekends. I feel I've been missing out on something important. Well fact of the matter is something trivial; it is just that I don't have an internet connection at my home. This avoidance of technology is not a show of mental grit rather it is a result of some shoddy customer service by the internet provider. I won’t get into too much details of the strange nonchalance shown by the provider.

However I cannot stop myself from writing about this strange incident with a customer rep on the phone. I called the helpline on 13th of October to check the status of my service request that was supposed to be completed on 11th of the same month. A voice from the other side began with the usual routine of "what can I do for you today, sir?" Oh, I forgot to add, it is almost impossible to go through the labyrinth of "menu options" apparently designed to make our lives easier

After almost calling the helpline half a dozen times so far, I've figured out a way to get to the customer rep without spending mindless minutes pressing numbers! So here I was almost exhausted after pressing what seemed like a lesson on numbers. The young lady on the other side of the phone sounded out of breath. Her heavy breaths into the microphone were a wee bit discomforting to my ears.

Nonetheless I gave her my service request number and asked what the expected date of completion is? Her answer to my question was not only symbolic of the appalling state of education in our country but it also contradicted the argument that customer reps are there to help. "Sir, it will be completed on 11th", was her reply. It took me a few seconds to digest the "fact" she had so innocently thrown at me.

"Do you know it is already 13th today?” I asked trying hard not to sound annoyed. In an answer that would put a kindergartener to shame she answered, “It will be done on 11th". I know H. G. Wells and Albert Einstein alike have postulated the existence of a time machine in future. However to the best of my knowledge (I'll leave the rest to the conspiracy theorists) most of the Indian private companies don't possess a time machine yet.

"Do you understand the calendar system?” was my rhetorical reply to this intellectual atrocity. "To complete the service request on 11th you'll have to go in past coz today is 13th", I continued to my amusement. "Yes sir, it will be done", was her reply. I understood there was not much "value" in continuing this exchange any further. My time would be better spent watching slapstick comedy film. So I did what I could, got my request prioritized. 

The rep did some keypad thrashing at the other end which to my ears sounded like my request has been "prioritized". I got a complain number to my original service request. The "supervisors" are always busy so forget about trying to escalate your matter to them. So this was the strange case of the time travel lesson I got from a customer service rep. I do kind of understand now what dolphins meant when they said, "So long, and thanks for all the fish", before exiting the Earth.

Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.

Bill Gates